Photo by Omkar Jadhav on Unsplash
I had one job in which I felt like an outlier – an uninvited, but necessary guest.
There was a bullying culture, and I, with ‘youthful innocence’ was naturally inclined to speak the truth as I saw it, rather than as the bully would have it be. Gratefully, I had a mentor in situ who helped me temper my assertions.
Inside, however the experience chipped away. I started to doubt myself, to second guess my impact, that I was in fact welcome. That HR was welcome.
I remember girding myself, pulling up on the inside, making myself stand taller and more upright than was natural, straining taught into a shape of confidence and ‘authority’ even if I didn’t feel it.
The price, caused by too much tension, I paid later with back surgery and 12 months absence. Sometimes circumstances are such that we might actually need to extricate ourselves. My back extricated me.
Older and wiser, and with the gift of somatic coaching, I have learnt that dignity and confidence are bedfellows.
When we deeply commit to being who we are and how we can take a stand for that with grounded presence built from the inside, dignity and confidence cannot be taken away. We can be shaken of course, but somewhere the kernel that will bring us back to this truth remains.
Have you ever felt like the uninvited guest? What happened?
