“Can we go now” I asked for the umpteenth time. My Dad and Grandad were arguing again. They’d do it until the cows came home, getting so angry with each other.
The ‘beauty’ however of these arguments - or rather the safety for me listening (despite my boredom) was that I knew they loved each other. When it was time to leave, Dad would always say ‘Cheerio Pop’ and Grandad would answer ‘See you next week Son’.
Dad never brought the argument to the car as we climbed in - finally! It was done. That was one of the good qualities about Dad - you could argue like hell with him and it didn’t damage anything.
This never quite translated for me into many other areas however. I’ve been very forthright over the years but rarely do I really argue with anyone like I did with my Dad.
Which brings me neatly to the matter of conflict…
I don’t much care for it - I know I am in good company.
I recall the first time I heard the idea that conflict could be generative. What? Generative as in positively generative rather than destructively generative?
Getting good at conflict, especially if we want to move with it gracefully, not lose our head, nor collapse into a heap, takes time and practice. Productive useful conflict asks us to find our inner sense of dignity, purpose and connection. When we can feel into our self-generated safety we are less threatened by the powerful feelings conflict generates. When we can put maintaining dignity and connection at the heart, meaningful solutions become possible. Conflict management for yourself and others is a vital Leadership Skill.
Are you good with conflict?
